Noir Stars Christmas

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God decided to keep the baby most didn't know was coming.

I miscarried today. The bleeding started right after lunch yesterday and after calling the nurse we went to Palomar as advised. At the ER I gave blood and had an ultrasound. Which showed baby, sac and placenta but no heartbeat. We were told it may not be a problem and too early for a heartbeat. I was told we were stable and discharged. When we got home around 5, my mom had made dinner so we ate. I went to the bathroom and there were clots in the blood. After calling the nurse back we, again, left for the ER, this time at Zion. We checked in at 7:42, seen by the Dr at 11 pm again had blood work done and, this time, a pelvic exam, told I was ok for now. Warned of the 4 things to watch for we headed home just after 1 am. As we were climbing into bed I went to the bathroom again and found tissue. It was triangular and stretchy about the size of my thumb and bumpy like chicken skin. I told my Matthew about it and realizing that this was inevitable we decided to go to bed and finally get some sleep. When I got up in the morning I had passed a lump which I knew was our baby. I went back to sleep to avoid all of it. When i woke up later, around 11 I got ready to go back to the ER. Matthew had me call the RN to see if we really needed to drive all the way down to Zion instead of the clinic near our home. She said we could bring the "tissue samples" to my midwife's office and they would send it to pathology. We all went together but I went in alone.It was so hard. Walking in there knowing I had my baby in a tupperware container in my purse and I was about to leave him (or her) there. Of course, I had to tell the receptionist why I was there and see her shocked face. And then sit among very pregnant women waiting for their healthy prenatal appointments before explaining in full to my midwifes assistant everything that had happened through sobs. She went and got Mary, my midwife, who hugged me for a long time and let me cry on her. We talked for awhile before I left and returned to the receptionist, looking blotchy and on the verge Im sure, to set up my follow up appointment. Back in the car, Matthew asked where I wanted to get lunch, so off to Chick-fil-a we went.He even bought me a peppermint chocolate milkshake, too, the sweet man. When we got home, Fin and I took a long nap. Later after all the boys were in bed Matthew and I hung out together and watched old episodes of The Dick Van Dyke Show. Throughout all of this I had surprised myself with a very matter-of-fact "God has this" mind set all the while fervently praying that His will would be done and that somehow He would be glorified through whatever the outcome. Well tonight, same day, November 2nd, Pepper woke me up with a few yips to say she needed to go out. So after a minute our motion sensor light on the porch turns off and I look up at all the beautiful stars. I hear myself saying, " the heavens declare your majesty, oh God" when exactly where I am looking God sends a shooting star! Instantly, I knew He was here, with me in this place and He "had this." I love a God who loves me back and is heartbroken when I am hearbtroken and rejoices over me with gladness when my heart is right and He is glorified. Although I am, indeed, heartbroken, it is well with my soul.

Summer update

I was just reading my sweet friend, Kacy's, family blog and was astounded by how long and detailed her posts always are. I wish I could focus long enough to tell you all the details. Anyway, I'm inspired so I'm going to try. We'll see how long it lasts before i get interrupted.
Disneyland for Autry's birthday was wonderful! We drove up after church on Sunday (his bday) and checked into the Ayers and ate some take out for dinner before heading to the park. It was perfect because, getting there later, we had plenty of energy and excitement to keep us going through the amazing fireworks show. Autry felt so special having all of the characters come to give him hugs because he had on his "It's my Birthday" pin. We didn't leave the park till after 10 and the kids we're wiped. The next day Some friends of ours met us at the park and showed us the ropes over at California Adventure. We had such a great time together. Matthew and Chris took all the big boys to see the Playhouse Disney live show while Red, Finlay and I went and got us seats for the Pixar Parade.
*side note - I was so excited because she was asking a lot of questions about where we stand as Christians on topics of abortion, homosexuality issues and salvation. I was so blessed because the Lord totally gave me the words to say and after replaying the conversation in my head that night over and over I was pleased with how it had gone and her apparent positive reaction. After a few rides back at Dland we all went to dinner at PF Changs. (Still all joyful and no signs of trouble.) However, since that day I've only spoken to her briefly twice, she's bailed on plans and is not returning any of my calls. My heart is broken that she's distancing herself from me over (most likely) a totally non confrontational conversation that she started. I can't for the life of me figure out another reason.
The parade was awesome! The boys loved getting sprayed and seeing all of their favorite characters, especially Buzz Lightyear! The final day was pretty peaceful as we hung out in California Adventure and then headed for home.
Only a few days later we left for Forest Home Family Camp. What an amazing week of fellowship for our family. We were blessed to spend the week with some great friends, the Urbina's and some new friends as well. We spent our days climbing rocks and searching for the best sticks, playing in the creek, fishing and enjoying each other in God's gorgeous creation. We were sad to come home as always but look forward to next year.
Since then we've been taking it easy at home but planning even more trips for the near future. We just got back on tuesday from a short but sweet 3 day trip to Las Vegas. We stayed at Trump and enjoyed every second in the air conditioning. There's a beautiful new mall right across the street and So many new improvements since the last time I was there ten-ish years ago. We also found a great Chicago Pizzeria in Henderson called Pie Town. If you're ever out that way, check it out.
Well, that only took me 3 very interrupted hours to type all of that. Lord willing I'll be able to post more of these detailed blogs in the future.
Until then,
God is good all the time, all the time God is good!

The Price of Children

This is just too good not to pass on to all. Here is something absolutely positive for a change.
I have repeatedly seen the breakdown of the cost of raising a child,
but this is the first time I have seen the rewards listed this way. It's nice.

The US government recently calculated the
cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with
$160,140.00 for a middle income family. Talk about price
shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition.

But $160,140.00 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into:
* $8,896.66 a year,
* $741.38 a month,
* $171.08 a week.
* A mere $24.24 a day!
* Just over a dollar an hour.


Still, you might think the best financial advice is; don't have children if you want to be 'rich.'
Actually, it is just the opposite.


What do you get for your $160,140.00?
* Naming rights . First, middle, and last!
* Glimpses of God every day.
* Giggles under the covers
* More love than your heart can hold.
* Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
* Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
* A hand to hold usually covered with jelly or chocolate.
* A partner for blowing bubbles and flying kites.
* Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.

For $160,140.00, you never have to grow up. You get to:
* finger-paint,
* carve pumpkins,
* play hide-and-seek,
* catch lightning bugs,
* never stop believing in Santa Claus .

You have an excuse to:
* keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh,
* watch Saturday morning cartoons,
* go to Disney movies, and
* wish on stars.

You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and
collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas , hand prints set in clay
for Mother's Day and cards with backward letters for Father's Day .

For a mere $24.24 a day, there is no greater bang for your buck. You get to be a hero just for:
* retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof,
* taking the training wheels off a bike,
* removing a splinter,
*20filling a wading pool,
* coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and
* coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.

You get a front row seat in history to witness the:
* First step,
* First word,
* First bra,
* First date,
* First time behind the wheel.

You get to be immortal.

You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of
limbs in your obituary called grandchildren and great grandchildren.

You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications,
and human sexuality that no college can match..

In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there under God. You have all the power to heal a boo-boo,
scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party,
ground them forever, and love them without limits, so one day they will, like you,
love without counting the cost.

That is quite a deal for the price!!!!!!!

It's the best investment you'll ever make!!!!!!!!!

So, summer is finally here.

Milo's done with school and we're planning more trips to the WAP/ beach/ Playwerx. And definately excited about Disneyland for three days for Autry's 3rd birthday and then it's off to Family Camp at Forest Home the following weekend. So we (Matthew and I) are bracing ourselves for all of the excitement headed our way. The boys, of course, are thrilled and ask daily if today's the day we go to camp.
And finally, and perhaps most wonderful of all, we are thrilled to announce to our friends that the boys first cousin has been born to Matthews brother, Michael, and his beautiful wife, Gina!!! Born May 11th, the beautiful Brooklyn Elizabeth!

Precious boy...

This was taken by my sweet friend, Meredith, at Milo's class Easter party.She's a wonderful photographer. Check her out here: http://www.mparkphoto.com

Hillsong United...

What an amazing night of worship and fellowship!!! Finlay came with us and slept almost the entire time.