August 22, 2011

self loathing

Uggh. I am so selfish and unmerciful and not helpful. It's makes me angry at myself. I see someone I love bending over backward, straining other important relationships, taking excessive time off from her job to help someone who may or may not be in as bad of shape as they say and all I can do is stress her out about it. I'm sooo convinced that she's thrown all "healthy boundaries" and the concern of her family out the window that I've probably hurt her feelings and added more stress to her plate than she was already dealing with. I totally suck. I don't think I'm wrong or even feel bad about what I said to her. But I feel bad that it went this far and that in expressing my concern for her, I was heartless towards the one she cares enough about to go all out for. I'm not helping her in anyway. Just making things worse...... gahhh! I'm going to keep my mouth shut from now on. It's her life and whatever she wants to do with it is up to her. I love her with all my heart and I will not say anything else to bring her down. Please pray for my family and that God will heal what is broken and build a hedge of protection around my Mom who is the most wonderful, merciful, self-sacrificing and long suffering person I've ever met. I hope to be half the woman she is.

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